Let me preface this article by saying that I am a fan of Cap’n Crunch Berries: Oops All Berries…
Learning About Crunch Berries & Green Poop…
Although I rarely eat cereal anymore, back in December 2012, I decided to go grocery shopping with my cousin (who I lived with at the time). Upon browsing the cereal aisle, each of us sought to cop some unhealthy boxes of hyperpalatable, sugary dopamine rushes a.k.a. cereal to chomp on.
My pick was Cap’n Crunch Oops All Berries… thereafter my cuz cosigned my choice by snagging a box of Oops All Berries for himself. While in the cereal aisle, immediately after we each grabbed a box, the cousin was like, “Dude, you know those (Cap’n Crunch Berries) turn your poop green right?” My reaction to this hilarious inquiry was a laugh… I thought he was merely cracking a joke because of all the “Crunch Berries” colors.
But dude was not playin. After hearing me laugh he was like, “I’m serious you will sh*t green”… At this point I had become a little less skeptical, but still was open to the possibility that he was keeping his joke alive. He continued to insist that he was serious and not joking.
Although though he claimed he wasn’t joking, I was like WTF?! (while dying of laughter)… I asked him how he knew that Cap’n Crunch Oops All Berries will give you a case of the Hulk deuces. He went on to explain that he had a reliable source suggesting that Crunch Berries consumption yields green stools.
The source: His former co-worker. Apparently while on shift (at a grocery store), this co-worker had to chuck up a deuce during break. After meticulously examining his poo (like most normal humans), he reported to his co-workers that his poop was discolored or atypically colored – a hue of fluorescent, Flubber green.
This intrigued his co-workers, each of whom asked him what he ate. The response: “Crunch Berries.” Thereafter, he and my cousin Googled the following “Crunch Berries” + “green poop”… and would discover a myriad of Crunch Berries-induced green poop anecdotes posted by cereal eaters.
My Experience: Crunch Berries Causes Green Poop
After listening to my cousin’s story and Googling “Crunch Berries and Green Poop” for myself, I believed that it was possible for some people to deuce nuclear radiation green after consumption of the colorful cereal. That said, I assumed that the Hulk deuces only occurred in a subset of Crunch Berries consumers… Moreover, I didn’t think that Crunch Berries would cause me, a green deuce virgin, to light up the toilet with an absinthe steamer.
That said, I can verify that I had my own green deuce experience for the first time ever after consuming Crunch Berries cereal.
The first few times I had eaten Crunch Berries, I either:
- Never had green poop
- Or… never looked at my poop to notice that it was green
However, after my cousin suggested that I look out for it – I was on patrol. The day that I ate the cereal, I laid a nice healthy UPS brown snake… Anyways, the next day I woke up and also had to deuce. I went to deuce, and before I flushed it, I noticed that the security deposit (i.e. poop) was shamrock green.
I was like WTF… broke out laughing and called the cousin to report this incident. Thereafter, I informed my brother and parents about the green deuces. To make a long story short – I finally experienced the incredible hulk deuce thanks to Crunch Berries… and no I’m not going to provide evidence (nasty AF mane).
My GF: A Crunch Berries-induced Green Poop Skeptic
Fast-forward my life by 6-12 months and I’m out grocery shopping with my girlfriend who happens to like Crunch Berries cereal. After she grabbed a box of Oops All Berries, I informed her that she would sh#t a flubbery green… Her reaction was similar to my initial reaction while getting cereal with my cousin; she assumed that I was joking.
She ate a bowl or two of the cereal each day and I asked her whether she noticed any strange colored deuces… she said everything seemed pretty normal. At this point, she was still a green stool skeptic. I then said maybe the Crunch Berries don’t affect you like they do other people who end up with a case of the collard greens post-consumption.
Months would eventually pass and she mixed up her cereal lineup… No green stools with the Crunch Berries. She assumed that I was full of sh#t (joking) when I suggested Crunch Berries cause the greens. On a whim, she buys another box of Crunch Berries, eats a bowl, and jokingly asks me, “Am I going to poop green?”
I said something like, “Maybe not, IDK.” A couple days pass and… *drumroll*… she finally sh#ts green!!! I finally made her a believer in the phenomenon that is Crunch Berries-induced green poop. (Unfortunately, there are still plenty of skeptical non-believers out there).
Why Crunch Berries cereal might cause green poop
There are a few reasons that Cappy Crizzy Unch a.k.a. Crunch Berries might transform your poop from a dull Starbucks coffee brown to a glowing superhuman neon-esque hue. I suspect that the color change is attributable to the artificial coloring additives within the Crunch Berries cereal (common sense).
- Artificial coloring – The artificial coloring additives within Crunch Berries cereal are the reason you end up with mint chocolate chip green stools. I’m not sure if these are actually unhealthy, but personally, I’ve never experienced this color of green deuces from any other cereal (or food).
- (Green) Food coloring – The primary reason that your poop turns green is because of the coloring in this cereal. There are green berries – that might play a big role. When it goes through your digestive system, it retains the coloring from eating this cereal.
- Unhealthy – This isn’t really a reason, but the cereal is unhealthy. Who knows if that colorization will one day be linked to some unknown disease or sickness. I would think that Crunch Berries are safer than drinking paint (some people do this on the show My Strange Addiction – I wonder what color their sh*t is).
A more scientific answer to explain the Crunch Berries Green Poop
Food coloring. Experts suggest that when foods like Crunch Berries with a lot of artificial colorings are consumed, the food coloring (or dye) isn’t always fully absorbed by the intestines during digestion. The dye that isn’t absorbed ends up seeping into food material that’s sitting in the gut, transforming it into a green color before the stool is passed.
A combination of the artificial colorings in the green, blue, purple, and red Crunch Berries eventually mix with each other – as well as with yellow-green bile fluid present in your intestine. This intermixing then transforms food material in your gut to an unnatural shade of seafoam green, thereby causing you to drop a green deuce.
Despite the fact that green poop is abnormal, it’s not usually something to worry about if it was caused by artificial colorings in food. Experts suggest that it’s probably not bad for your digestive health. Nonetheless, some speculate that regularly consuming foods that are high in artificial colorings may be bad for your long-term health (increasing risk of certain diseases).
Are other foods besides Crunch Berries associated with green poop?
Yes. There are plenty of other foods that, when consumed, may cause you to poop green. That said, it is unclear as to whether they will generate the same shade of parakeet green as Crunch Berries. From a simple Google search, I was able to determine that both: artificially-colored foods and plant-based foods cause green stools.
- Artificially-colored foods: If the right combination of artificial colors are present within the foods that you eat, you may end up deucing up some green.
- “The Halloween Burger”: An example of another popular food item associated with green poop is “The Halloween Burger” at Burger King. (I’ve never tried this). Apparently the Halloween Burger has dark charcoal black-colored buns as a result of a potent combination of coloring dyes. I guess the yellow and blue dyes used in the dye combination weren’t easily absorbed into consumer’s intestines… resulting in a #greenpoop trend on Twitter.
- Plant foods (chlorophyll): Not all green deuces are from artificial additives… green poop can result from consuming high amounts of chlorophyll-rich greens such as: kale and spinach. In case you didn’t know, chlorophyll is the green pigment in plants that allows them to absorb sunlight for energy. That said, I guess it takes a lot of chlorophyll to deuce green from plant consumption – so maybe vegans and/or vegetarians would be more likely than others to experience this.
For all the skeptics of “green poop” from Crunch Berries
If you remain a “green poop” skeptic, perhaps you should try a self-experiment. Order a few boxes of Crunch Berries and eat as much of the cereal as you can in one day… There’s a good chance that if you only eat Crunch Berries, your intestines won’t be able to absorb all of the dye and you’ll end up with the extra lit, absinthe colored Cleveland steamers.
- Order Cap’n Crunch: Oops All Berries: Order some Crunch Berries on Amazon or go to Wal-Mart and buy a few boxes.
- Chow down Crunch Berries: To increase your chances of a green steamer, you’ll want to eat as many Crunch Berries as possible… eating a just a small bowl may not get you the green hue poo (or the particular green glow that you were hoping for)… The quantity of Crunch Berries that you eat definitely matters. (Lower quantity consumed = lower chances of green deuce).
- Wait for a bowel movement: Tick, tock, tick, tock…
- Observe the outcome (pls, no pics): Examine whether your poop transformed from the Crunch Berries.
- Report back here to the comments section: Mention whether your poop had dat glow gang.
Final note: If (for whatever reason) you want your poop to glow like Flubber, then eat Crunch Berries Cereal – it’ll do the trick.